Body image
by SugarBatz
Summary: "He started to look closer at every single inch of his body looking at everything that could be considered an imperfection. He started to try and work out which parts he didn't like the most, he wanted to work out which bits he could change to make him perfect. If he changed the shape of his nose then he could look better, or maybe it was his mouth which was the problem." Frerard


Body image

Frank looked himself up and down in the full length mirror, which was standing in the corner of the hotel room. He started to look closer at every single inch of his body; looking at everything that could be considered an imperfection. He started to try and work out which parts he didn't like the most, he wanted to work out which bits he could change to make him perfect. If he changed the shape of his nose then he could look better, or maybe it was his mouth which was the problem. He started to look even closer at himself, he couldn't decide if he hated his chin or his eyes more. It didn't really matter he would be ugly anyway.

He didn't care how many times he was called sexy, cute or gorgeous; he still hated everything about himself. It didn't help that he was short and scrawny making him feel as if he was completely inadequate to anyone's standards.

He heard the shower stop meaning that Gerard would be out in a few seconds complaining about all the implications of having to wash and how much he hated everyone for forcing him to do so. Frank stood in front of the mirror for a second before turning away and walking over to his bed. He lay down and closed his eyes trying to stop thinking about how awful he looked. He heard the door of the bathroom open and the sound of the singer muttering to himself.

"Stupid mother fucking showers going cold half way through because they hate me because there stupid and shitty and-" he stopped noticing an unhappy atmosphere in the room looking over at the younger man lying on his bed. He looked almost peaceful but there was a slight scowl on his face. He walked over pulling his grey shirt down slightly as some of his pale hip was showing.

"Hey Frank, you okay?" he was very concerned. He wasn't used to having Frank act like this; normally he was used to a happy ball of sunshine bouncing around.

"Yer I'm fine" but they were just words; he sounded so sad and empty. Gerard frowned; he hated seeing his friend like this and if he were to be fully honest he felt a little more than friendship between then. It was hard not to; they were spending so much time together because of the tour they were on and also because of all the touring they'd done before hand. Then there was the fake stage relationship they had; because of fact that they would kiss or perform fake sex acts on each other it made it very difficult not to have feelings for him. If he did that kind of thing with Bob he'd have close feelings to him, probably not the same but it would be there, because the things they did made it easy to grow a slight crush on whoever it was. Even with all these reasons there was one that stuck out the most. Frank. The way he acted, that cute smile of his and the way he laughed with that cute little giggle of his. Everything seemed to be…perfect.

"Please tell me what's wrong" Gerard sat down on the edge of the bed opposite waiting for an answer.

"No. I'm just being stupid." There was still sadness in his voice and it seemed to be getting worse.

"If something's making you sad then it can't be stupid or you wouldn't be sad." Gerard now felt that it was his job to find out what was wrong. Frank opened his eyes and said flatly

"What makes me uglier my nose or my height?" The taller man was never expecting that.

"What?" he asked dumbly.

"What makes me; uglier my nose or my height? It's a simple question." He closed his eyes again.

"Frank; what would you do if I told you that I wished I was as handsome as you?" Gerard really did believe this; he thought that he was fat and ugly.

"You what…?" Frank sat up looking at him with those beautiful hazel eyes.

"I wish that I looked more like you." He made it seem like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"But you're hot. I'm ugly and short and scrawny and-" he was cut off when Gerard put two fingers to the other mans lips and shushed him.

"You can say I'm hot if you want. I think I'm fat and I hate everything about my body. You on the other hand are sexy as hell and you might not be the tallest but you're a nice height and scrawny is what you use to describe birds legs not for someone with a good body like you." Frank blushed at this.

"You can say what you want. I still hate how I look and I have no Idea how you could even think of yourself to be ugly; to be honest I think your delusional." Gerard smiled slightly.

"If I'm delusional then you must be too."

"Then let's be delusional together" Gerard said quietly; almost a whisper. Neither of them had noticed how close they had gotten. Subconsciously they started to lean in slightly more not breaking eye contact until there was a knocking at their door making them jump away from each other.

"I'm going to get some coffee; do either of you want some?" Mikey yelled through the door.

"Yer" Gerard yelled back after Frank had declined the offer. They spent the rest of that hour feeling tense and awkward.

The rest of the day was awkward; they would have small conversations which just made them feel like there was a wall growing between them. Everyone noticed; even people they didn't know gave them weird looks. In the end everyone had gotten fed up of this weird behaviour; it made them feel as if they had to get involved in whatever the hell the problem was. They didn't say much either as they were more occupied with something else. At some point they ended up being left alone with no idea of where everyone else had gone.

"So" Frank began.

"So" Gerard repeated before a silence broke out between the two. After a while Frank finally decided to speak again.

"We really have to sort out whatever the hell is going on between us."

"I know we do, but I don't know how we can if we don't even know our selves. This isn't the first time this has happened."He sighed looking at his clasped hands.

"This is so fucked up" Frank sunk deeper into his chair groaning. Although Gerard knew that he was groaning in discomfort he found the noise strangely erotic and began wishing that he could hear what noises Frank made when he was in pleasure. That only made the situation worse, he didn't want these feelings, they felt bad and he didn't want them. Frank was his friend; he wasn't supposed to have any other sort of feelings for him. He sat there for ten minutes thinking things over before he got fed up and went to get a glass of water. He needed to think as clearly as possible without being distracted by coffee. He walked down a corridor looking out the windows. He didn't even know where they were. He made a mental note to ask Mikey later. Mikey always knew these things.

They arrived at a hotel which was just as run down as the last one but no one was complaining; normally they didn't get to sleep in proper beds while on tour so this made a nice change. Gerard had learnt that they had been in a recording studio but even after he'd been told this he didn't seem to care; he was still trying to get his head around everything. Originally it had been arranged that Mikey and Frank would be sharing but when they had gotten to the room Gerard was supposed to be sharing with Ray; Mikey had ended up falling asleep in there and no one wanted to wake him. So in the end Gerard and Frank had to share a room again but that only made the situation worse. Neither of them wanted to go to bed, have a shower or do anything. They just sat there on the beds for a while before Gerard went into the bathroom. He looked himself up and down in the bathroom mirror before he got out his tooth brush and tooth paste. He squeezed the white pasted on to the brush before putting it into his mouth; a slightly stinging sensation on his tongue as he did so. While he brushed he looked at himself in the dirty mirror hating everything that he saw. He wished he was taller because although he wasn't as short as Frank he was still shorter then his little brother which was embarrassing. He wished that he wasn't so fat because well no one wants to be fat… do they? He sighed and spat the tooth paste out before walking back into the room. He looked around searching for a clock but when he couldn't find one he decided to check his phone. He reached into his back pocket finding it difficult to get the phone.

"I hate back pockets" he said to no one in particular and he turned the phone on.

"Why?" Frank asked; not really caring but wanting to sort out whatever the hell was going on between them.

"Because there difficult and when you're trying to get something it looks like you're feeling up your own ass." Frank thought about it for a moment.

"You know that I can never use my back pockets again or even see someone using their back pockets again thanks to your fucked up mind."Frank was a little annoyed when Gerard simply smiled at him.

"Good. The more people that know the more people will stop and there for will stop them from feeling up their own asses in public." He just smiled at his new found conclusion.

"I don't think that people do that very often" Frank was really confused now.

"How would you know? I bet your only saying that because you like feeling up your own ass in public" he accused.

"I don't! No one does; I don't even think anyone does not even in private."

"Yes they do."

"I think that you only know that because you do that all the time" Frank said smugly.

"Yer I do" Gerard said smiling at him.

"You're weird" Frank knew he was joking or at least he hoped he was. The shorter man got up and went into the bathroom to shower while Gerard sat on his bed feeling happier than he did before.

Frank came out, a towel around his waist, making Gerard look up.

"Enjoy jerking off to images of me" Gerard said trying to distract Frank from the fact that he was staring at the area just below the waist which was unfortunately covered with a towel.

"Yes it was the most fun I've ever had and I can't wait to do it again." The younger said sarcastically as he walked over to his bed pulling on some boxers before talking off the towel.

"That's only natural." Gerard smiled before walking over to Frank and hugging him from behind; just as the younger had finished putting on a pair of jeans.

"Please stop trying to rape me" Frank said; a shirt in his hand.

"No; you're just too irresistible." Frank turned round to face the other man.

"That's got to be the stupidest thing you've ever said." Gerard just looked at him before he dragged him into the bathroom.

"Look" he showed Frank the mirror.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?" All Frank could see was himself standing there without a shirt.

"I think this might help you. Just stand in front of the mirror looking at yourself." Gerard wrapped his arms around smaller man. Neither found this unusual as it was something they did often.

"I do that a lot; it just makes me feel worse." He suddenly jumped slightly as he felt Gerard begin to suck on his neck. Gerard didn't know what he was doing; he was just doing it. Frank moaned slightly enjoying the feeling; deciding that he wasn't to bothered that it was Gerard who was sucking on his neck.

"When I look at you I can't help but feel jealous. Your fucking beautiful and don't ever think that you're not" the taller whispered into the others ear before he went back to nipping, sucking and licking the others neck.

"I don't know how you could think that" Frank was being truthful.

"When I feel like that I stand in front of a mirror and look at all the bits I hate the most and wonder why they're so bad. Then I look over myself again and again until I feel that I'm comfortable enough with myself to be able to go outside. Don't tell anyone thought because it's a secret." He ran his fingers down Frank's chest making the younger shiver. "Before I do this I stand in front of the mirror slowly taking my clothes off getting myself more comfortable with my own body." He slowly wrapped his fingers around the waist band of Frank's jeans pulling them down slowly. His hand brushing past Frank's semi-hard dick as he pulled on his jeans; before letting them drop to the floor.

"I don't understand how you couldn't feel sexy with a body like this" he ran his hands over his chest brushing past one of his nipples making him gasp. Gerard had no idea why he was doing any of this but he didn't want to stop and he knew that Frank didn't either. He turned the younger man around in his arms keeping his arms wrapped around his waist before pulling him into a kiss. Again neither of them knew what they were doing but they didn't care. Gerard gently bit on Frank's lower lip asking for entrance which was quickly granted. Gerard pulled Frank closer to him and soon Gerard's clothes started to come off; so that they were both only in their underwear. Frank grabbed hold of Gerard's hand and dragged him towards one of the beds. Gerard pushed him down onto the mattress still kissing him. Soon they started to remove underwear and then it suddenly became very apparent of what they were about to do.

"You sure you want to go through with this?" Frank asked.

"I think so" Gerard replied before smashing their lips together. Soon Gerard was on top of Frank lying in between his legs he ground down on top of him earning a loud moan from the shorter man, he did it again just to hear that noise again. He kissed his lips then his neck before going down his chest taking his time. He licked Franks nipple making the other man moan and arch his back. He then moved down to his navel licking around it teasing Frank. He then moved down to Frank's hard dick licking the tip making the other shiver. He then took him in his mouth and sucked earning a loud approving moan making him smirk. He felt Frank grip onto the back of his head tugging on his hair trying to bring him closer then he was. Gerard soon let go and moved back upwards kissing Frank again.

"Suck" he ordered bringing two fingers towards the other mans lips. He found it strangely erotic watching and feeling Frank suck and lick at his fingers and found it hard not to imagine what else that mouth could do. When he had decided that his fingers were covered enough he pulled them out and moved them back down. They kissed as Gerard inserted one finger feeling the other tense up. While this was happening; both boys couldn't help but think about how they had ended up in the situation they were in and about how it was probably a bad idea but they had come so far neither of them were stopping now. Gerard soon added a second finger scissoring his entrance making Frank wince in pain.

"Shh just relax" the older man whispered in his ear before kissing his cheek, Frank just nodded. Gerard curled his fingers and began searching for that "special" spot. When he found it Frank couldn't help but arch his back and moan. Gerard felt that Frank was prepared enough for what they were about to do. Gerard spat on his hand before rubbing himself moaning slightly at the sensation before aligning himself with Frank's entrance. He slowly entered the younger kissing away any tears that were shed; whispering sweet nothings into the others ear trying to distract him from the pain. Once fully in he waited for Frank to relax before he pulled almost all the way out.

Once they had gotten a good rhythm Gerard began searching for that spot again. Once he found it he discovered that it was much easier for him as he didn't have to have the guilt of the pain that he induced earlier. He grabbed hold of Frank's dick and began to move his hand up and down with every thrust. Soon he felt a familiar feeling build up and he knew that he wasn't able to keep it up much longer and from the noises Frank was making it didn't sound like he was either. He heard Franks moans get louder before he heard him shout and moan something which he couldn't quite make out and he felt Franks cum cover his hand and splatter slightly on his chest. The feeling of the other man tightening around him brought him over the edge. He came inside Frank with a loud moan. He pulled out gently before laying down on the bed next to him.

After basking in the afterglow it soon became apparent that none of that was a good idea. A) they just had sex and that could break up the band, B) they hadn't used any sort of protection so they would have to hope that neither of them had any nasty diseases and C) they were friends; if nothing else they couldn't mess that up… could they?

"I'm sorry" Gerard said breaking the silence.

"For what?" Frank asked.

"For messing everything up" Gerard suddenly wished he'd thought about what he'd done before doing anything.

"It's not your fault. I went through with it to, and who said that it would mess everything up." Frank said as he moved closer looking Gerard in the eyes.

"I just thought that it would because-" Frank cut him off with a kiss.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow; right now let's just act as if everything's okay."

"Who said it wouldn't be okay?" Gerard said suddenly feeling a tugging sensation in his chest.

"No one but we have to make it okay now" Frank replied

"How do we do that?" Gerard was suddenly very confused.

"We come up with a reason for having sex; not just a one night stand." Gerard suddenly understood.

"Okay. How would you feel about dating me?" Gerard asked slightly nervous in case he got it wrong.

"I would love to."


End file.
